Monday, June 9, 2008
OK so anyone who isn't as big of a "Friends" fan as I am won't get that. Actually, Noah had a fall yesterday at church. He is so wiggly and getting so strong. He likes to bow his back! well put all that together with a dad and full hands and you get me turning around to see Noah laying on the floor. My heart dropped out of my chest, down to my stomach, fell on the floor and then made a triumphant return to my chest when we found out he was okay. We were taking the sacrament when it happened and then we took him to the hospital. He checked out okay, but he has been really cranky since "the incident". Isaac was being really hard on himself, I tried to tell him that it happens to everyone, but he doesn't believe me. I think he is finally starting to feel better. He is so hard on himself. I can't tell you what was going through my head all the time we were waiting. My brain knows that babies aren't nearly as fragile as adults, but my heart saw my little boy in pain and absolutely nothing I could do about on top of trying to console my husband. My trick was every time I thought of how horrible that fall could have been, I went to all the happy memories that had led us to that point. I saw me meeting Isaac for the first time, knowing already that he was everything I had hoped, wished and prayed for. I saw us getting engaged and married, our honeymoon. Then I saw me laying in bed the night "we" got pregnant. I went to sleep that night knowing that I was pregnant, the spirit told me clear as day that I was. I remembered feeling Noah with me before I knew I was pregnant. I felt someone else there and it was different than The Spirit (that was a feeling I will never forget). I remembered every beautiful moment I was pregnant and even some of the not so great ones. I saw how hard the last two months were and how wonderful it was to have him born healthy. I saw him doing all the amazing things he has accomplished so far. That was how I kept my composure until we finally got home and I was so grateful that he was alright. Bottom line, motherhood is the single hardest, wonderful, messy, back-breaking, beautiful thing there is in this world. When I met Isaac i didn't know that I could love someone that much, then he blessed me with Noah. Now, I love Isaac more everyday. I can't begin to tell you how much I love Noah. It is a love I can't describe. I am starting to get it, why Heavenly Father blesses us with parenthood. Seeing Noah hurt was the worst thing to date that I have experienced, I can't imagine what Heavenly Father went through as he saw his son die for the sins of an entire world and it's many generations. That experience has strengthened my testimony of our Saviour and Father's love for us.